Valentine? You See this? You Looking?
I
hate Valentine’s Day.
It’s a farce. It’s a made-up day of celebration that serves only to remove money from the average joe and put in into corporate America’s Pocket. See’s Candies I’m sure loves Valentine’s Day. So do Rose growers.
I, however, do not. It’s not a real holiday. I repeat: IT’S NOT A REAL HOLIDAY. This is an important point, you’ll need to read, re-read, and understand fully this statement in order to proceed. Valentine’s Day is NOT a holiday. OK continue?
We’re here, you and me. Where do we begin? How about with a quick shout out to my last bog, where I mentioned that we went out to dinner this fine 14th of February. T.B. Scott’s was the destination, and things weren’t looking good from the beginning. OK, so let me set the stage. We’re in Corona, CA. That’s, um, like 50 miles from the beach as the crow flies, more if you actually have to drive like a normal human being and more still if you can’t tell east from west like some people I know who shall remain nameless you know who you are. And the “theme” in T.B. Scott’s? Aquatic. Crab. Lobster. Pictures of boats. Aquariums. Fish! Sea water! Look, I can understand if it’s a chain, you know? Red Lobster’s a chain, probably started near a beach, got popular, grew, etc. But this onesy lil’ sucky place trying to sell me on their oceanic roots 50 miles inland? In the desert? Get real.
So after waiting 20 minutes into 8pm – Reservations for 8pm – we seat. In the bar room, with loud music that can best be described as crap. But whatever, it’s better than waiting for another 20 minutes for our 8pm reservations. Waitress comes up, looking like she just came around the corner from the side stage at Coachella. This may make more of an impression if I tell you that these are $20-$30 plates, not $9.95-$11.99 plates they serve here; if we’re not going for upscale, we’re at least aiming for upscale-”ish.” But fine, bleachie, as long as you don’t screw up the orders, we’re good! OK? Right?
She didn’t answer, and with good reason. See, we sat, then another couple sat about 5-10 minutes after us, within about arm’s reach. For the rest of the night, she brought us all of their stuff. Not just once. Not just twice. Everything. Refills. Appetizers. We didn’t even order appetizers. Refills. Dinner Salad. Refills. Main course. I’m surprised we didn’t get their bill, too. We ordered first, we got our food dead last. Not even a contest, we felt like Robin Givens in a domestic Dispute with Mike Tyson or something – it was pretty lopsided.
Food? Not that great. Certainly not $27 a plate worth of goodness. Geez, I ate at TGIFriday’s last night for $12 and felt better about my food. Now I’m no math wiz, but if you carry the 2, it’s like half as much $$$ for twice as much goodness.
But they saved the kicker for the end, let me tell you. You see, we’re young, broke, and cheap. We would never have considered dining at an upscale-”ish” restaurant had we not had…. Bup-budup-budah! A Coupon! Buy one meal, get the second meal free, up to $20. Cool. And we figured that into our buying decision, with The Girl buying the special (Round Steak, Coconut Shrimp), and me opting for the Shrimp Scampi, we figured we’d have tasted upscale-”ish” for a TGIFriday’s & Dessert kind of price.
Wrong. After we finished our meal and the waitress asked us if we wanted sweets (we thought about it, but we were full, and Lost on ABC was set to begin shortly), we presented our coupon so she could figure our bill. And not 1 minute later, back she came, telling us that they couldn’t honor the coupon, because… guess.. Guess… YOU GOT IT! Valentine’s Day is a Holiday! Or at least they try to tell me, but I say nay. I ask her manager to please explain what, to them, constitutes a holiday. “Oh,” she says, “Valentine’s Day is a holiday. Like, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, you know.” I’m sorry, but did you just compare VALENTINE’S DAY to Christmas?! SERIOUSLY?! Do you want to reconsider your statement now that it’s left your lips and you got to hear how stupid that really sounded? Christmas? Easter? PRESIDENT’S DAY?! Valentine’s Day? Which one of those is not like the other there, champ? Venture a guess? Wager the deed?
Hey, look: I have no problems with them not accepting coupons on Valentine’s Day. But you gotta warn the coupon holder, no? Valentine’s Day is NOT a holiday. Sorry. The bank was open. The Mail got Delivered. Oh, and the Social Security Office was open for business, too, so clearly this was not a holiday. Even gwb managed to get some work done, for crying out loud. Not. A. Holiday. Period. Dot.
Needless to say – even though I’m saying it – we’re not going back. They were in the wrong one way or the other, and made us pay for their mistake/lack of vision. Oh, and the fact they didn’t get our orders right, either. Yeah, adding insult to injury, we discovered that they had supplied me with their appetizer plate of scampi. Me and The Girl actually discussed how small the portion was for $20, but didn’t say anything. We figured it was part of the upscale-”ish” atmosphere. Maybe I kicked the waitresses dog in a former life or something, who knows. But this was, for worse probably, a Valentine’s to Remember. A real shipwreck 50 miles inland, know what I"m saying?
Peace.