so can we like, start a petition to have this guy’s acting license revoked? how many screens does he have to stink up before they stop hiring him for films? get this straight: he’s a two-bit character actor that can barely pull off an idiot, something he’s highly qualified to be in real life. and he can barely pull it off on a camera. yet we try –over and over – to show the world that he’s more than a skinny tweaker from the 70’s or something. ok, so let’s review the current state of asston cooter’s fuckups -- er, films: 1) dude, where’s my dildo, a live-action portrayal of bert & ernie high on crack. two thumbs way down. 2) my bosses dildo, a heart-wrenching screenplay of gay aiken’s touching ballad, invisible fag. again, two thumbs way down. 3) the dildo effect, a gripping psychological thriller about a boy who travels back and forth through time to find his long-lost dildo. two thumbs down. and now, 4) the dildo, a teary-eyed drama about a large, blunt object at sea, drowning in an ocean of suck. two thumbs down. again. ray charles could see this pattern developing in a dark room with a blindfold on. while dead. Seriously, who’s going to see The Guardian? Raise you hands so I can aim.

so about that petition? keep on eye on your email, i think i’m going to do like that gas tax one and the no illegal immigrants one, where you put your name on it and the last person to get it sends it to the white house or something. shit, i think bush really should take some time out of his busy vacation schedule to tackle this national crisis. seriously, before more innocent eyes are tortured. for the kids, dammit! and while we’re at it, should we, say... ask for costner’s retirement? it’s been like 20 years since he attempted fourplay with canines or whatever it was, and seriously he hasn’t done much since then, except for age not-so-well in front of our eyes. and one has to wonder, how much of that aging is due to sucking in large suck-fest movies? has to take a toll on you, know what i mean?



chevron takes show on the road, tickets on sale now!
as us californians know, it’s time for the airwaves to thicken with advertisements (for you brits out there, that’s ad-ver-tis-ments) for various propositions, which for those of you without a clue is a time for us regular-folk to vote on important issues that can bypass the legislature. one of vital importance this time around is prop 87, a state-imposed gas tax which directs funds to alternative fuels research. sounds good, right? know what sounds better? chevron trying to make it sound bad.

see, the basic idea of the prop is to make gas companies pay for the research without passing on the cost to consumers. but, to here chevron spin it? night at the improv, i swear. the commercial starts out with a woman filling up her oversized su-fucing-v, asking us if we’ve heard about the new proposition. then she explains most of the points, and the viewer is thinking “wow, this sounds great! I’m all for it!” and then the chevron lady says... “i don’t think so....” and leaves the whole audience just confused, and then goes on to say how this is the wrong time for this and it’s just bad, just because she said so at the beckoning of a large oil firm. and at some point, you start laughing because it’s just so wrong and so not true, that you can’t help but wonder how the hell she kept a straight face for the whole taping. or maybe she didn’t, what do I know. maybe she had to do like 15 hits off the peace pipe and 30 takes of film later to get that scene out. or maybe high-dose tranquilizers and they edited out the drooling? toss up, i know.

but the important thing to remember here is, yes to prop 87. and stick it to the gas companies. they’re rich enough, let’s get something going to get us off their black crack.

peace.

Tags: Entertainment, earth conditions, Politics