3 days in the woods, & going back to Town
So that picture above. No, it’s not some freak wind storm accident. No, I wasn’t trying to pull an E.T. and “phone home.” Simple as this: it was cool and moist out. The bottom of the tent was wet in the morning. And, I didn’t want to pack it up wet and all. Imagine the smell? Yeah.
So anyway. 3 days. Not 4 as I had proclaimed earlier. So, um, I got bored, and I just couldn’t do one more day with nothing to do. Look, I love nature, and the first (of two) camp site I was at seemed like heaven! I saw this bulletin board with a map of some hiking trails. One said it was 3 miles, one said it was 7, another said 5, and I was thinking to myself, “this seems like heaven!” Then a few minutes later as I was preparing to hike one of these trails, I passed the visitor’s center and asked if they had one of those maps I saw on the bulletin board. They did, but for 50¢. Yeah, because I often take my wallet with me when I hike. You never what what kind of bully bears are out there. “Man, you wanna pass, you gonna have to show this bear the dough, mutha fukka!” C’mon, guys!
So anyway. They had another one under glass I could look at for free, and I thought it would be a good idea to refresh myself right quick. One of the workers there thought he was going to relieve my mind by pointing out that… there. Was. a period. Before. Each. of those. distance values. on the map. Yeah. I went from having a hiking goal for each day to having nothing to do within the hour.
Oh, and Campsite rules were as follows. I quote:
- No wood collecting
- No feeding the animals
- No fires outside of the fire pit
- No molesting (eww), killing, or harming any animals or plant life
- No destruction of camp property
- No fishing
- No unauthorized fun
- Do not pass go
- Do not collect $200
So yeah, after you’ve hiked the trails, unless you have a camper and video games, it’s just a lot of sitting around. Looking at everyone else, just sitting around. Wishing they could molest the animals.
Entertainment value
So I had to find ways to fill up the time. I kept myself busy, mostly by “_ _ _ _-ing _ _ _.” If you said “j a c k i n g o f f,” you’re way wrong, but I like the way you think. No, the correct answer was “working out.” Lots of pushups, ab workouts, upright rows with the cooler, and, well, more pushups and abs. And the hiking, I guess. I did that twice, just to make sure I wasn’t missing something. Like animal three-somes.
I also did the good ol’ boy stuff. I perfected my rock skipping, and also throwing skipper rocks so as to not make a splash, and also I found a big STICK and used rocks for batting practice. Can you believe it? 20-something years of age, and that’s still not old. I don’t think it ever gets old. People just stop so they can look mature or something. I, however, have blisters on my hands now. And not from that, either. But I like the way you think.
I probably could have filled up some more time with jacking off. But that would still leave 23 hours & 58 minutes unused, so I figure all-in-all, it was time to come back to town either way.
You’re Gross
Yeah, I know.
And remarkably fast
Yeah... I know… :-(
So, what are your plans in town?
Mainly, I think I’m going to eat. I’ve sustained myself for the last week – I kid you not – on cereal, granola bars, pretzels, fake Ritz crackers, water, and 1(one) Cream Soda. Oh, and a cookie. I’m thinking a steak from somewhere. Potatoes. Probably Applebee’s, because they also have a free wi-fi hotspot, so I can dine and surf at the same time. Hey, the modern version of surf & turf! Fuck yeah!
I will also watch the rest of my 2 ½ hours of television, first with Family Guy on Sunday, then Heroes on Monday.
Oh, and I have this whole interview thing with the County of Humboldt. God, I hope that goes well. I could use that. I’m almost teary-eyed over it. I need to move. I need cows and pigs and stuff soon. And not for that, either. I wanna raise my own beef and pork.
You’re just gross, man.
Peace.