ok, so I’m back from a road trip up to Nor Cal, and let me tell you, did that place feel like home! i’m thinking fortuna/hydesville, probably hydesville/bridgeville. it’s nice, you should look it up some time, maybe follow the nice links i just gave you. but before we get too carried away, let me get this out of the way:



if you’re hispanic and want to be taken seriously... well, get a clue, for starters
Workers discover chocolate Virgin Mary - Yahoo! News. [link broken]
Seriously, folks. It’s chocolate. that dripped. do you really believe...? oh, never mind. it’s chocolate! that dripped! and it formed that thingy. i get so tired of all the likenesses of the virgin mary. i mean, the only reason that this is even close to newsworthy is that no one ever reports likenesses of budha or kermit the frog or all the other chance likenesses that i’m sure occur daily. i mean, the only thing that gets reported is likenesses to the virgin mary. hello, people, do you think that the virgin mary held that same pose for her entire life? is that the only pose that could even be attributed to her? chances are slim at best, mi amigos. so get over it; it really is just chance. really, believe me.

just once, i want to see someone report the likeness of lucifer in their bowl of cereal or something. sort of balance it out. then we could see all the virgin mary dumbasses say “it’s just dumb luck that it looks like that, esé; satan wouldn’t give a sign in cereal, that’s just dumb.” you think?



back to our regularly scheduled blog
so i’m telling all my friends that i hate so cal; i want to see how many i can convince to move up north with me. because, well, i sorta suck and it’s not like friends are a dime a dozen for me, so best keep what investments i have in that regard :-P

i think i can pull it off. just plant that seed, that so cal sucks... shouldn’t be too hard, after all the cost of living pretty much prevents anyone from making it out here anymore. or out there – i feel like i’m from up north already, just visiting this dastardly desert of southern california.

and if there was any doubt, the trip back to our temporary abode in so cal was the clincher. we took the 101 all the way back, as the i-5 –while quicker– could put an insomniac soundly to sleep. talk about a boring drive. like a sleep over with ben stein, i swear. so where was I going with this? oh, the 101... and as we get close to la, we hit... wait for it, wait for it....... traffic! dead stop. after a short-ish while, as we crawl along, we get close to a sign that says “accident: left 3 lanes closed at forrest lawn.” and you know what happened next? traffic went away. so apparently, all those people stopped mid-commute to read a sign that there was an accident... or more likely, all those people who think chocolate is a sign of christ’s return probably did something similar to this:

driver: oh sit, esé, there’s a sign up there.
passenger: oh shit, holmes... what’s it say?
driver: i don’t know, esé, i can’t read gringo, mang!
passenger: oh dag. we should slow down then, so we can stare at it with clueless expressions longer, ay. maybe we’ll understand it better if we do that, holmes?
(and before anyone says anything, no i’m not a racist, as my friends of all nationalities will attest; but i do hate ignorance and stupidity, no matter the color. you are warned. )

so then we get to the 134. and it goes nicely all the way to the 210. which stopped dead. and i mean stopped dead, as in we didn’t move a car length in 15 minutes. i know it’s wrong, but when you’re that frustrated... anyone else ever thought “someone better have died for this freaking hold-up”? well, if you’re not in so cal, probably not, but i am pretty sure everyone ‘round these parts knows what i’m talking about.

and that’s pretty much how the night ended; frustrated and late. and it’s exactly as it sounds. to summarize: so cal sucks, nor cal rules! see you there, peeps.

peace.

Tags: hate