Confusing a Cat
May 27, 2007 / 09:22 PM Filed in: Personal
How
to confuse a Cat
Step 1: Put the food up high, so the cat has to jump to get to it. Keep it here for eternity.
Step 2: At least once, let the food run out, so that the cat jumps up there, only to be disappointed that the trip was for naught.
Step 3: Let the cat train you to follow it to its food by meowing incessantly, just in case there’s nothing in the food dish.
Step 4: Become very annoyed at having to follow a cat around whenever it decides it’s hungry.
Advanced training time. Now, you’re job is to make smoke come from the cat’s ears as s/he tries to figure out what the fuck is going on.
Fifth & Final Step: At the beckon of the cat, follow it to the food. Be very supportive of the cat. Encourage the feline to follow the normal routine. Let it know it's doing a great job. Now once it jumps up to reach its food, grasp the cat, and put it back on the floor. The cat will jump up again. This is normal. Repeat grasping the cat and placing it back on the floor. Continue this cycle until the cat either a) looks at you as if you asked it to solve Pi, or b) looks at you as though it was contemplating eating YOU instead.
Job now complete. Cat confused.
What the hell was that about?
No, seriously, I’m tired of having a cat meow at me whenever it’s hungry. You know where the food is, dammit, and you don’t really need to be petted while you eat.
So, I thought that this would work as reverse-training. See, I’m trying to get the cat to associate him meowing so I’ll follow him to his food with me keeping him from his food. The hope is that he’ll eventually become at least as annoyed with this as I am with having to follow and pet the damn thing as he begins to eat. We’re only on day one right now. I’ll keep you updated as to how the cat training goes. Expect long delays from now until I report back with success. Ever owned a cat?
Peace.