I don’t like kids. Sorry, but they don’t do anything for me. I’m not filled with this great sense of joy and desire when around them, I don’t want to pick up every child I see and hold it and take it home; I don’t really yearn for one of my own.

Ah, Halloween. ‘Twas some fun, I suppose, when I went out and did it myself. But mind you, I didn’t hate kids when I was a little boy. Well, not all of them, anyways. The family wanted me to handle the kids this wonderful night. ME! I know, I was shocked, too! I was like, “look, you are the ones who love kids. I hate them. You love kids so much, go make them happy yourself.” Now this was the statement of an asshole, I’ll admit. But saying that I didn’t want to wasn’t enough, I swear. And it’s a perfectly honest answer, in reality.

And I don’t think I’m an asshole for it. For some reason, my mother seems to think (she told me so, so there’s no guesswork on my part) that I’m a jerk for not liking kids, and why can’t I just let them have some fun?!?! Hey, I'm not standing in their way or yours, have at it. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand there and pretend to be excited or scared or surprised or whatever, I just don’t have it in me. So in fact, I”m doing more for their “fun” by not getting involved, trust me. If I’m at the door? “Eh… Here’s some candy. Now leave.” If you’re at the door? “OH MY, WHAT A NICE COSTUME! I’M SO SCARED!!! OOOOOHHHH!!! WOW, WHO IS THAT UNDER THERE!?!” And really, that’s what the kids want, and I’m more than willing to allow them to have it.

But apparently I’m still an asshole. Wake me up when it’s OK to have a legitimate opinion with reasonable support.



Can’t win for losing
Apparently, tonight is “random bob's either wrong or an asshole, or quite possibly both” night. After hearing my mother bitch for the ump-teenth time that it took sooo long to get home in traffic, I chimed in that I’ll be moving up north in a handful of months, where there is no traffic. Now, I say this not to initiate conflict, you have to understand that I’ve been trying to convince them that they’d be happier up near where we’re going, and I COMPLETELY AGREE with her assessment of the So Cal Traffic Phenomenon. So it’s more of a statement that “you’d love it up north, where we’re going!” than it is a“HAHA you suck” statement.

However, according to my sister, there’s lots of traffic up north. There was last time she went to Tulare, CA. Oh, really? Is Tulare in Eureka? No. Is Eureka on the WAY to Tulare? No. Oh, but wait, you’ve been almost all the way up to the california border once, you say? ON the I-5, more than 350 Miles East of Eureka? That’s nice, but you’ve never even seen the 101 north of LA which runs the coast and goes through Eureka, so really? Don’t speak about which you do not know.

Having been there far longer than anyone else in my family, you’d think that little fact would carry more weight when I say “there’s no traffic up north where I’m moving.” Apparently not. I mean, I’ve only stayed up there, gotten up during “Rush Hour” to see what traffic patterns are like, and lived there for the better part of three weeks to try and get a feel for such things as I might experience up there as a regular, living/working person.

But whatever, what do I know, right? Some day, seriously, they’re all going to have to sit down, pour on some sauce, and eat their words, I swear. Because I’m vindictive and I’ll demand an apology for all the badgering from the know-nots. Yes, it’s true, even if I hate to admit it, but really it seems like my family is very much out to get me sometimes. I can’t be right even if I have the facts, dammit. Just the facts, ma’am, that’s all I have in my defense.

Look, I don’t proclaim to know everything about everything, but when I’ve actually BEEN there and seen it? and you don’t even know where it is on the map? Give me a break, OK? that’s all I’m asking. I didn’t proclaim anything about Tulare, because you’d know better than me. See how that works?



Owie.
My Finger hurts :-(. I got a papercut right underneath the nail. Like, right underneath the nail. Feel my pain.



Dumb Southerner of the Day
“So, XYZ makes more horsepower, but it’s more expensive and requires more tuning, while ABC makes less horsepower but is cheaper and requires less tuning.”

“So which do you recommend?”

Look, if I give you two options, which are inherently different and contain their own pros and cons… Obviously, the decision is yours to make. I’ve given you all the info so you can decide what’s best for you. Really, asking me which I recommend? The expensive one, duh. I’m a salesman you ass. The real answer is: whichever has the pros you desire most. That’s why I gave them to you.

I mean, if I said “well, they’re both pretty similar, it’s a toss-up,” I could understand that response. but did you listen to what I said? Probably not, huh. So much for trying to help.

Peace.

Tags: hate

So I’m back at Jaxan’s. Watching the football. And trying to figure out Jaxan’s TV. because right now it’s all standard def and pretty much not worth watching. Yes, Hi-Def has absolutely spoiled me rotten, and rightly so. Have you seen this shit?



Miles only making it Yards at a time now
My doggy is now officially 10 years old. He’s gone like a bat out of hell and the Engergizer Bunny rolled into one for most of that time. But now, he’s beginning to show his age, and it seems like all at once. This started last year from what I can remember. It used to be last summer that when I’d go running a couple of mornings through the week, we’d go to this nearby park and he’d chase the ground squirrels with zest. 6 months later, and he got to the point where he didn’t seem to care. Before, he was like “GROUND SQUIRRELS! I WANT ONE! I MUST HAVE ONE!” Now, he’s like “GROUND SQUIRRELS!! Those are far away. Eh, this patch of grass is pretty interesting…”

Today, we were racing through a field next to a dog park I take the puppies to, and Miles was keeping up with me. Keeping up with me. For the last 10 years, he’s made me look silly for trying. Now he’s keeping up with me. Sigh.

I’m extremely saddened by this. I mean, he’s still healthy as a horse, but now I have to really try to keep him in shape. See, some of his recent slowdown is related to an ankle injury he suffered about a month ago that sidelined him for the better part of two weeks. Miles has been on the sidelines for the better part of this last month or so. He’s gotten to the point where if he’s not exercised like every other day, he gets sore if we do something big, like hiking. BUT, if we get out regularly, he stays fit enough to NOT get overly sore from our adventures. But how much longer can this last? How long until he’s just a porch dog? I know he doesn’t want that, which just makes it harder. He’ll always want to go, but at some point I’ll have to make the executive decision to leave him behind.
And maybe I’ll have to get a Miles Replacement puppy a lot earlier than I had wanted/intended. Neither Miles nor The Girl will be very happy about this. Hell, I’m not very happy about this. Dammit.



Coors Light: Shut up…
What is up with their new damn commercials? The overly fake dubbing of Bill Walsh and whoever else conversing with some stupid dumbasses pretending to be only mildly amusing, and failing. Makes me want to go and buy some Miller Genuine Draft or something right now. And I don’t even drink, but I just want to stick it to them for insulting all of our collective intelligence. You know, like a boycott or something.

Seriously, can’t they just show those commercials south of the Mason-Dixon line? Targeted marketing, I’ve heard of it.



Heroes
“Save the Cheerleader, save the world.”

Have the writers seen their own show? Look, the cheerleader doesn’t need saving, she needs some platform shoes and that’s about it. And maybe a bodyguard, what with all the perverts thinking she’s a little too cute in that outfit.

I like the show. It’s exactly like Lost, only a little different ;-). I mean, they have superpowers, man! But the whole design of the show is such a Lost ripoff, it’s not even funny. Well actually, that’s not entirely true. The first episode I watched, they used the exact same fade-in/fade-out sound effect that Lost uses. So that us Lost viewers would feel right at home. And I laughed, because it was funny. So there.

Peace.

Tags: Animals, hate

Was thinking yesterday as I was typing my blog… man, I LOVE my laptop! I mean, I really really like it a lot. Yesterday’s blog post was compiled almost completely in the passenger seat of my fiancé’s truck as she drove us to pick up dinner. And I thought, how cool is this? If I had a desktop machine, I’d be unable to do this in any way shape or form.

I used to have a desktop machine. It was also a Mac, a PowerMac G5 Dual-Processor 1.8GHZ machine. It was nice. It was definitely more powerful than my laptop, I won’t lie, but… it was big, required cables for everything, and there’s simply no way that I could ever hope to get anything accomplished away from the desk with it.

With this? I can type my thesis on the way to dinner (provided I’m not driving). I can take it on road trips and upload my photos from the camera and take a lookie-loo at them; maybe some editing and sorting too. And I’ve done all this, and more with it. How cool is that? According to my rough calculations, it’s approximately 4.2 cool. I’m not sure what that means, but 4.2 sounds like a cool number to me.

Some of this thinking aloud is to help convince me that there’s really no reason to upgrade right now to a newer version. I mean, think as I may, there’s nothing wrong with my current machine. It loads all the programs I use, has no blemishes, never crashes, and is basically the same as the new ones, just not as fast, not as bright a screen, and not as hi-rez a display.

Don’t get me wrong, I want a higher-rez display with a brighter backlight, and a faster chipset. But I guess the current offerings just don’t warrant the expenditure. Maybe next time. I want full 64-bit AND HD screens, guys. Oh, and solid-state memory if you can get around to it.
Just get a mac and be happy, people. I am!



Where am I right now?
About 8 inches from a strange cat’s butt, that’s where.

I’m at my friend Jaxan’s house, feeding his cats and airing out his place while he’s on vacation. And peeing on the carpet. But don’t let him know that, he’ll get all mad ‘n’ stuff.

As I sit at the counter on my beautiful 17” PowerBook G4, this cat keeps coming to claim it as his. I don’t think he bothered to read what I’ve been typing, though. Get down; you can’t have it. Shoo.



Reasons the South is Stupid
• Inbreeding
• Retardation
• Inbreeding
• Lack of education
• Inbreeding

Really think about that. Next week, we’ll have a group discussion about what can be done to help alleviate the problem. Until then,

Peace.

Tags: hate

Having been to see The Departed, The Illusionist, and The Prestige all in the last month, it seems there’s not really anything out that I’m looking forward to seeing. Nope, no peaks on the horizon.

Oh, and the word “The” could use a rest. I think I’ve seen an unhealthy amount of the particular word “The” in recent weeks.



Found a good reason to wait
No, not sex, silly. Bit that bullet a LONG time ago. Computers is what I’m referring to.

Found this bit of info today. Seems that although the chip is 64-bit, the motherboard is not. This essentially means that the system as a whole is kinda-sorta hobbled, One of the benefits of 64-bit computing is the amount of memory the system can address. 32-bit systems are limited to 4GB of memory addressing, whereas 64-bit can access up to like 32GB of memory. Not that I plan to install 32GB of memory into my laptop, mind you, but it does bring up other issues. Like, memory is faster in “Matched Pairs,” where both slots have the same #. But with the current setup, even though the computer can access 4GB, the system locks down 700MB of that, meaning if you install a full 4GB (which is expensive in the first place), it won’t be able to see it all.

So your options are a) buy 4GB memory for the matched pairs theory and be OK with only using 3.2GB of it, or being frugal and buying only 3GB of memory, but losing the matched pairs benefit. But either way, it leads me to question: when Mac OS X goes full 64-bit in 6 months or so, will this hardware really fully support it?

Guess I’m waiting for sure, after all. I’d prefer to be future-proofed as much as possible.



Dumb Southerner of the Day
Today’s entry comes courtesy of a combination of good ol’ southern stupidity with California sly. Nathan today took a call from a man who had seen something on ebay, which in and of itself was pretty amazing.

After the self-admittance that he was dumb (thank you! Finally, an honest dummy!) and could not complete the order due to his awe-inspiring stupidity, Nathan began the process of taking his order over the phone. Of course, we always begin this process by gathering the customer’s personal info, including phone # and address, including zip code (obviously).

As you may have guessed, we use an automated system, and most automated systems anymore have the correct city/state information tied to the customer’s zip code. Well, when Nathan asked for this particular field and the customer gave the info, nathan moved on. Daffy Dummy, not having given his city and state, wanted to make sure that Nathan had his city and state, so piped up that he lived in xyz city.

To which Nathan responded that he already had that information. Amazed, the southerner asked how that was possible. Nathan’s response?

“It’s Magic.”

Yeah, I was amused, too. Good one, Nathan, good one.

Peace.

Tags: Apple, hate

Yesterday I dealt with probably the rudest, most irritating “customer” I’ve ever had the pleasure of dealing with anywhere I’ve ever worked. This all started the day before, when he came in to buy a part for his new 2006 Mustang. He settled on a Cold Air Intake from BBK. Cool, whatever, not what I would have spent my money on, but it’s all you dude!

Problem started the next day when he came in. Well, actually, problem probably started 22-26 years ago in some cheap motel bed in Juarez i would imagine, but I can’t be totally sure so let’s not go down that path. Yesterday he came in complaining that the BBK Badge on the part had a chip in it. That’s it. I mean, he complained about a “chip” in a cheap product that was no bigger than two eyelashes rolled together, I kid you not. Probably smaller. Whatever, I figured he’s just “one of those,” and went to exchange the part for a better one. I went back to the warehouse and had the warehouse guy bring me ALL the ones we had in stock, and I went through each one to make sure this asshole got the best one. Because I just wanted him to leave.

When I came back and showed him the new piece and told him that I had picked out the best one in our stock for him... this wasn’t good enough. No, he wanted me to bring him a sealed box, because you know, I tend to exchange things for people but actually give them used merchandise instead. I told him that his request would be impossible to fill, since I had OPENED ALL OF OUR KITS TO ENSURE HE GOT THE BEST ONE.

This, however, was not good enough. He continued to be belligerent to myself, Nathan, Jaxan, and anyone else who was in earshot. Our customer service, apparently, was not up to standards, what with giving his whiny ass the best parts we could muster up. To shorten this a little bit, let’s just say that the next 10-15 minutes of my life were spent being told how much we suck and how he was just asking questions, doesn’t he have a right to do that, and no he’s not insinuating that we’re liars (he was), but he’s asking questions, doesn’t he have a right to do that?

I smell the stink of asshole. Luckily for me, this is infrequent enough that I don’t have an “Asshole of the Day” piece or anything.



Wells Fargo: We drive stagecoaches. That’s about it
Shortly after I got my hands dirty (ha ha), I made a lunch run /slash/ bank run. For a retail location, we do sure seem to be good at not having change. I open the till, and lo and behold, we have $300 in twenties and not a single $5 or $10, and only 4 $1’s. So I raid the thing for $400 and head out to make change.

Togo’s is right across the parking log from a Wells Fargo, so I go in and stand in line. First: What the hell takes people so long at the bank? You’re either putting money in, or taking money out. There’s no surgery going on, there’s no complex math problems being dealt to you... You walk up, talk to the teller, explain that you need cash from your account or would like to deposit some check or whatnot and maybe get some of it back. What the hell are these people doing up there for 10 minutes at a time? Is this a hold-up?

OK fine, I suffer these fools as best I can and eventually get to the teller myself. I explain what I need and she says “I will change what I can, but I’m low on ones.”
“How many do you have?”
“Like, maybe 15 or 20.”
Thanks for nothing, honey.

But we NEED change. So I go and get Togo’s, then head over to my credit union that is on the other side of town. The lights work in my favor (which never happens, so god must have felt sorry for me having to deal with Mr. Asshole of the Day), and I get there. And stand in line again. This time, some fatso is taking his sweet time, talking about the weather or some garbage. Look dude, on your own time, not mine, OK? And besides, weather for you is relative, in that the north end of you is probably a lot cooler than the south end anyways.

He leaves and I get to the front. Arrowhead, I love you. Plenty of ones and no BS. It’s a shame you’re not nationwide. Probably because you don’t have stagecoaches to get you there.



Dumb Southerner of the Day
Being so occupied with asshole (see above) and then having to take like 5 hours of my life to get change from a bank (WTF, Wells Fargo? You can’t call yourself a Bank if you only have 15 one-dollar bills), I can’t say as I dealt with any yesterday. Or maybe I just don’t remember. Preoccupied, maybe.

Sorry, maybe tomorrow.

Peace.

Tags: hate, earth conditions

The last episode was pretty good. You get an idea that Jack is starting to get a feel for what the “others” are capable of and how deep their knowledge goes. Not that he knows the secrets, just that he’s gaining an idea of their scope. I think.
Possible spoiler: Kate doesn’t love Sawyer, she has feelings for Jack, but just doesn’t think she should have him, I’m guessing. She feels that her and Sawyer are cut from the same cloth. That will come to play in the next few episodes. Ben is the one with the tumor.

And I have no idea why the scotsman can seem to tell the future.



Love Apple. Hate Disney. Shame they’re now linked
The Santa Clause? 3?!?!?! You must be kidding me. Hey, I got an idea! Let’s take a horrible film with a second-rate comedic actor, and extend it by 2! that’s awesome! Oh, and just to make sure that NOTHING this season is nearly as bad, let’s get Martin Short to “act” in it, as well!

I think they may be better off billing it as a horror film. Toolman? Ass-munch? In ONE film? I’m scared, don’t know about you.

I swear to god that if Pixar starts to make Disney-esque films, I’ll throw my Apple away. OK, you caught me: I’m lying. But it would really really upset me. I’d hate to think of Macs being used for such horrible deeds.



Why am I filled with such hate?
Don’t know. It’s a gift, really. In actuality, I’m not filled with hate, it’s just that I concentrate a lot on trying to make things better. If I took a Disney-like view of the world all of the time... well, let’s not pretend to do that. I think it may be illegal in like 23 states or something.



Dumb Southerner of the Day
“How do I know that you really cancelled the order and aren’t going to keep my money?”
Well, because I told you. Could fly out to So Cal, come and visit us in Corona, and take a look at our computer system. Short of that, people, it’s kind of hard for me to do anything other than TELL YOU it’s cancelled. OVER THE PHONE, and all. What with phones being for talking.

I understand. technology like phones and credit cards are new ‘round yer parts. You’ll get it in about 40-50 years. Oh, and this new thing called TV? It’s amazing; wait ‘til you see it in person.

If you’re from the North? Peace.
If you’s from tha saouth? P'ace.

Tags: hate, Apple

Also in the news, my wallet seems to have run away from home. Which may make it hard to buy one right at this moment.

I’m actually torn on what to do. I really really want this one, it has almost everything I want. But I hear rumors of how much better Intel’s NEXT Chipset, dubbed “Santa Rosa,” will be compared to these, offering much better FSB speeds and Cache. I have no idea what that means, but it apparently translates into “fast” or something. However, I DO know the benefits of Solid-State Memory being incorporated into laptops: Faster boot times, having almost NO lag whatsoever, as applications and scratch disk are about instantaneously available, and better battery life. I want to talk myself into holding out for these features. Problem is, lots of things get talked about long before they’re readily available. I could be waiting for many more years, I have no idea. Chances are, since I want it, it won’t debut until the day I buy something else.

But I could also stand to see Higher Density screens on them as well, so maybe I’ll just wait. I’m thinking that when the new OS comes out next Spring, the hardware released just after that might include some nifty features. so if I can just hold off for 8-9 more months....



Halloween and Sluts
So more or less, Halloween is the one time of year that girls can all dress up like the little sluts they want to and get away with it. I’m not complaining, mind you, just observing.

Seriously, when’s the last time girls used this occasion to put more clothes on? I don’t see many 18th century styled outfits. Nope, just half-naked hookers, nurses, doctors, cowgirls, and witches. yes, even witches, apparently, are half-naked on 10/31.

So basically I’m saying let’s make every day halloween. Girls want to dress like that, and men want to see girls dress like that, so what’s the holdup? Well?



Only $34.99 a month to make yourself feel like a loser
So I go to the gym regularly, most of you probably know. thing is, I seem to make little progress at anything other than making myself feel pretty pathetic. I’m not 220 lbs yet of rock-solid muscle. However, many guys are. And I hate them. I hate them all.

I don’t care how nice they are or how many kittens they saved last year or what there SAT scores are or what High School they went to dropped out from or how much money they have or who they are dating. I hate them all equally.

Maybe that’s not true. I suppose if one of them saved 100 kittens and scored 2400 on their SAT and graduated from Corona High and had a net worth of well above $1 million and was dating Scarlett Johanssen or Carmen Electra (yes I still think she’s hot), I would hate him even more than the rest.

Jealousy can be yours, too, for only $34.99 a month. Contact LA Fitness to schedule an appointment now!



Southerner of the Year Award
I know it’s still early, but... Remember this post? She called back. She wanted to know the shipping status, which was understandable. What wasn’t, however, was that she decided that now was the time to make sure I had the right address on file. Not like, when she ordered the parts, oh no, that wouldn’t make much sense, let’s make sure a full week after the parts have probably shipped, because that makes about as much sense as Bush for President.

What’s doubly annoying is that if the card charged, and we use address information to verify credit cards... wouldn’t you assume that since you GOT charged, the address was right? Not, apparently, if you’re from the south. Because, repeat it with me now: south=nuts.

And gawdam, getting this chick off the phone is like trying to take the gay out of Ellen Degeneres.

Peace.

Tags: Gym, Apple, women, hate

So I went and saw The Prestige Last Friday Night. Good movie, though it in no way knocks The Departed off my bid for best picture. Some Observations:

• Christian Bale is HOT.

• Wolverine (er, Hugh Jackman) is HOT.

• I am patently NOT HOT.

• Scarlett Johanssen, while voted Most Beautiful Woman, shouldn’t dress in 1800-1930’s garb.

• Magician is Swiss for “I like to kill things. For fun.”

• English people DO have f’ed-up teeth.

• If you have a hot wife/girlfriend, and your life seems like it could be a movie script, kiss her goodbye, because she’s either going to die or leave you. Or both, in no particular order.

• Americans and people in the UK do not speak the same language.

• Me: Well, sir, part xyz is 119.99, and part abc is 189.99

• Customer: How much is that?

• Me: ...Well, it would be 120 plus 190, sir.

• Customer: ....

• Me: (sigh)... 120+190=310.

Tags: Apple, hate

I used to own a semi suped-up Mustang. I washed it and waxed it weekly, bi-weekly at worst. It was always clean and damn near always show-worthy.

Then I bought a white SUV. Can’t remember the last time I washed and waxed it. I think it was last year, but don’t quote me on that.

Last week the girl got me a birthday present and had my 4Runner detailed. It looked wonderful! ...and then it rained a mere two days later. Today we washed and waxed her Tundra, and I got to thinking: how did I do this so frequently with the Mustang? This sucks! Now my laziness is really kicking in, and I’m trying to figure out how often I can have our vehicles ‘professionally’ washed and waxed per year. I’m thinking 3 times, once every 4 months. that should keep the paint in good order I figure, and we’ll just thoroughly wash the vehicles once or twice a month to keep them ‘clean.’

Either that, or we turn into white trash with rusty, nasty cars – I haven’t really decided which way we’re going to go with that yet.



Return of Lobster-boy
Hey, remember like a few paragraphs ago when I mentioned washing and waxing the girl’s Tundra? Yep, did that. Then I washed down the driveway. While doing this task, I had this particular thought: “I really should put a shirt on, otherwise I’m going to burn.”

About that being lazy thing: Thoughts come and go, but lack of action is more of a genuine, constant state of being. Much like being red is for me right about now. Ouch. And anyone reading this who thinks they’re clever and dares try to “pat” me on the back – just remember that lobsters have this amazing ability to cause unyielding pain in the form of sharp, unforgiving claws of death.

Consider yourself warned.



Which reminds me:
I need to get a tan or get a tanning membership. I’m white. Like, Wonder Bread white. I really want one of those all-over tans, but here in So Cal, packed in like sardines as we are, it’s hard to get away with that outside of a tanning bed. Not that I’m shy or anything, but I prefer to NOT be thrown in jail with big, secretly gay men. I’m too darned cute for that to work out in my favor.

When I got out of the military – well, actually shortly before I got out of the military – I spent time tanning it up. I wasn’t sure if it was possible for me, because all my life I’d been known to be a burner. Reality? I AM Italian! I tan pretty damn well, I just really need to get that “base tan” going for me. Once I get that down, it’s damn near impossible for me to actually burn, and I can achieve a very healthy-looking glow. However, finding the time to get that base tan – ALL OVER MY BODY – can prove to be rather difficult. If I could walk around nude more often, or at all.... Maybe I’ll just join a nudist colony.

You’d be surprised how long it can take me to get a tan once i’ve gotten the base going. I have to sit out in the sun all... day... long. And right now i just don’t have that kind of time. Plus, this could prove to be a rather delicate situation for me, as winky has never had a tan before. So I’ll have to be very careful to make sure that while Willy is free, he’s not turning into a mini lobster-boy himself.

Peace.

Tags: Vehicles

So again with the whole stingray stabs someone in the chest thing. Once, it’s a freak accident. Twice in two months? They’re communicating, dude, stay away from the damn water. Seriously, before we ALL get hurt!

I ran the odds through my statistics machine, and apparently, the odds of this occurring accidental-like? 1 in 3 million billion. Really. Have I ever lied to you?



Geez - a few more and I may start my own cereal company
Why is it I’m saddled with flaky friends? Joel and I were supposed to hang out tonight (hi, Joel), but when the time came... Joel wasn’t up to it. And you know what? He’s not the only one, not by a long shot. My friends in San Diego, John and Ana, are by admittance very flaky friends. I damn near have to twist their arm to get them to do anything. We always have a good time once we get there or whatever, but damn if getting there isn’t a headache and a half.

What’s amusing (not really, but I say it is so I don’t throw anything), is that because of this I’m usually the one planning whatever my and my comrades end up doing. Which inevitably ends up being a bit of a bitch-fest, as then everyone complains that we always do what I plan and what I want to do, and why can’t we ever do what they want to do. Well, for starters, if we did what you want to do? We’d never do anything. Yeah, it’s true. Think for a split second about it.... There you go.

No hard feelings, though. It’s just how it plays out. I’m fine planning it. Really. Just don’t bitch. And don’t flake out. Jeebus!
(Hi, Joel! Hi, John & Ana!)



Found the Shift Key
Those of you who frequent my blog may remember that in the beginning, I was using all lower-case in my blog. I recently abandoned that, if you paid any attention at all. Why? Just because. Turns out old habits die hard, and capitalizing things is just in my nature, as is picking my nose and going commando. And porn. And Occasionally wearing women’s clothing. (remember to take that line out)

There are a few couple other reasons, as well. Turns out, I use uppercase to help signify meaning and also as emphasis on occasion, when I don’t want to bold or italicize, and it was just becoming hard to get across that I was referring to the US as a country, not to “us” as a group of individuals. There was also this thing I came across in my turning-point blog, where I noticed that this blog-ware was NOT designed for epic entries – as I’m prone to on occasion – and the typing starts to lag when it gets long. So I typed the second half in an external text program that tends to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. And in all honesty, I’m just plain lazy, and didn’t feel like going back and undoing all this.

so I left it. Because, I’m lazy. That’s why. Eh, I don’t know; maybe i’ll just waffle between being correct and being myself. I can’t decide ;-)



My software tells me that you still have yet to buy a picture
And really, it’s getting pretty ornery about it all. Pretty upset, actually. It wants you to rush over to the store and buy something. And I’d do it if I were you, just for safety reasons. Hoffa once didn’t listen to my warning about the software, and now no one knows where he is. Not saying it’s connected.... just.... suspicious, is all. Be safe, OK?

So? Don’t end up like Hoffa; buy a picture, and live a long, happy life.

Peace.

By my standards, last night’s episode fell a little short. I don’t know, maybe i had just expected more of a “real” learning, rather than a mystical one. See, whenever they get to going all “hope and faith” on me, I get a little discouraged, because it allows a supernatural explanation, which to me means that the storyteller doesn’t have to actually explain anything. Because, you know, if it’s beyond the realm of reality, there’s nothing to explain, really.

But still, they did elude to something that intrigued me, like why the englishman had foreknowledge of a speech that had yet to happen. I guess it’s just that most episodes elude to multiple things that make you wonder.



In case you were wondering
Our commander in chief is stupid. Wake me when it’s 2008 and people have realized that the republican mantra is only a mantra, and nothing more.

I was gonna say wake me when the bible belt goes to hell, but something tells me that they’re down there just oblivious to everything, breeding with themselves. I do think, however, that people might wake up enough to realize their sons and daughters aren’t coming home, the economy isn’t as great as the president says, and our continued reliance/allegiance to foreign oil is bad for everyone but the rich in control.



Apple selling like hotcakes. Apple-flavored hotcakes...
soon (like, in 20 years or something), I won’t be the minority computer user. I wonder what all my staunch windows supporters will say then? Probably something like “well, I’m still not wrong!” just a guess.

Either that, or they’ll be using Apples, saying “I always liked them, I just couldn’t get one. Don’t you remember me saying i liked your computer and how amazing it was?” Nope, don’t remember that fabrication at all, actually.

To be fair, though, most of the people around me have either switched or are planning on it with their next computer purchase. Except Jaxan, he’s stubborn. He can’t play Microsoft flight suck-ulator on it or something. Which, with the intel switch, really isn’t true anymore, but YOU tell him that and see what happens.

And also on that front, hear about the windows virus that got passed along inside the ipod? less than 1% of all shipments since 9/12/06, but really? Their response was horrid. It was the equivalent of a third-grade “It wasn’t me, it was Timmy!” Yeah, it was Timmy’s fault that you put a frog in his pants. Damn Timmy, what with showing up with pants on and all.

Apple? Love ya, you make some good computers and software. But grow up.



Dumb Southerner of the Day
This was submitted by someone in Memphis, Tennessee. A customer called me, and began giving me her address information. When she got to her street name, it sounded like she said “St. John” or something, I was unclear. So I asked her to verify, and she said no, it was St. PAUL.

She then began to spell it: “It’s St. Paul. Thats, P, as in.... PAUL.”
Thanks for that gem, hunny. Long live the south, eh?

Peace.

Tags: Apple, hate

why is it that there’s no uproar in germany to be nicer to arab speakers? how come canada isn’t hiring spanish speakers? or, how’s this: how rude of me would it be to move to a country with a different foreign language than my own and expect them to accommodate me? if you travel to a different nation, don’t you usually take at least a quickie translation book to get you by?

that’s just not the case in america, though. there seems to be some sort of expectation that we should allow spanish into our hearts. um, no, this is america, and we speak english here, along with a good 75% of the world population. people make the argument that mexicans are just coming here to make a better life for themselves... well ok then, that’s fine. but do it legally, and then, accept that you’re trying to assimilate to our way of life, and do what is necessary, such as speak fucking english.

i work in what would be considered a luxury field. i sell performance products for sports cars. daily, i field calls from people who fully expect there to be someone that speaks spanish on my end of the line, to the point of becoming indignant if there isn’t (which there never is). today, for instance, someone called and eventually tried to stutter in english that they wanted a supercharger for their camaro. this is easily a $3,000 purchase. what’s the deal, you say?

how the fuck can you justify spending $3,000 on a supercharger, yet balk at spending a few hundred to, i dunno, take some community college courses and learn the fucking language of the country you live in?

there’s no push or desire in these people to actually assimilate. they come illegally, and then expect that we should cater to them. and the problem lies in the fact that to some extent, we have. rich white people have hired them illegally so that they may keep a larger profit. wal-mart puts up their advertisements in spanish to try and wring every penny they can out of any possible customer base. we give these people rights and preference they simply have not earned.

i’m sorry, but if you don’t speak english, either learn or get the fuck out. and i mean like learn it by tomorrow. see, what happens is we end up selling ourselves down to the lowest common denominator. i made the point once that i’m not afraid of some spanish revolution that will see the u.s. become mexico; it won’t need to happen that way. it will be a gradual slide, and it’s already started happening. people in gov’t jobs get preference if they’re bilingual. people who only speak english because they never imagined they’d be pushed out of a job because they only speak the national language take a back seat. now, if they want to move forward, it’s them that has to go to school and learn spanish in order to take care of those that are too indignant or too illegal to learn english.

in california, we’ve accepted spanish-only students into our educational system. now, instead of them just being allowed to rot in 1st grade or whatever (i know that sounds harsh, but...), the system becomes overrun with them to the point where we have to just “push them through” to the next level, whether they are ready for it or not. now, here’s the kicker: the school’s funding is determined by test scores. so these non-english speaking dumbasses now need to pass 12th grade or whatever it is so that the school can survive to next year. well, now we need bilingual teachers that can teach the dumb well enough to get them a c- on the test. bravo, except this is done to the detriment of the rest of the class...

oh, and not to mention that now english-only speaking teachers are not priority. hell, the best english-speaking teacher will lose a job to a mediocre bilingual educator, because even though the native speaker can teach the native children to better grades, it’s more beneficial to have the whole of the class average a c- for funding purposes. so the spanish students now take precedence in decision-making because otherwise they drag the school off the charts. and our education is so important, that this limiting is going to hurt us in the long-run.

all this so we can understand the people in the welfare line who are a) illegal in the first place, and/or b) unable or unwilling to assimilate.

we need to come to grips with the fact that although our country is not perfect, is is still america, and we have come to expect a certain standard and a certain way of life. my dislike of spanish in america is deeper than a mere language issue; it has to do with the lowering of our standards, especially our standards of living.

illegal immigration of mexicans is a larger problem than is being let on. and the issues that are spoken of in favor of allowing it or being lax on it are bogus. i really don’t feel like looking up the numbers right now, as i’m really tired and just want to stop writing, so i’ll just go with common-sense illustrations and if you’re curious, look up the figures yourself. but look up both sides and see what ‘makes sense,’ ok?

1 - they help the economy more than they hurt it.
hogwash. seriously, think about this: they come here and pick fruit. they don’t perform complex math functions or invest in stock. they pick fruit. ok, now here’s the rest of it: not only do they pick fruit, but the money they do earn most often goes back across the border to their families, meaning it doesn’t get spent here in our economy. now for the kicker: they’re a drain on our social system. they don’t pay in to social security or to health plans or anything, but when the get sick or injured (which they do), guess where they go? to our hospitals. on our dime. we pay their bills, because they don’t and can’t have health insurance. so we pay them $5 an hour to send $4 on hour to mexico and give them the benefit of free health coverage. sounds to me like we’re losing our shirts on this one, columbo. and let’s not get into the court system bog-down, just because, ok?

2 - “they take jobs no one else will do”
again, hogwash. i say the only way you can say this with a straight face is to qualify it with “at the price we’re currently paying them.” i love to trash this particular one, because it’s so widespread but few actually care to think this through. ok, anyone want to guess what the trashman makes? guess. nope, it’s higher. for instance, around these parts, they make upwards of $80K a year. yeah. because they need someone to do the job, and to do such a job you need certification and whatnot that pretty much rules out any illegal immigrants. because the owners/operators have to go with real people who pay taxes and have to earn a living wage, they have to offer a job salary that those types of people would be willing to consider.

the jobs that illegals hold could be done by tax-paying citizens, no doubt. but they pay taxes, have to feed a family, and earn a living wage. thing is, we allow the owners/operators of these trades to get away with selling out to lower rungs, which translates into higher margin returns for them! which is, of course, why they do it – a buck they don’t pay john doe is a buck they get to keep. so you see, greed is what brings the system down.

so what if they were forced to pay john doe a living wage and pay his taxes? well, they argue that prices would go up on things like... fruit. well, raise the prices too much and see what happens -- people won’t buy as much fruit, which really really hurts the greedy asshole’s bottom line. so price increases would be minimal at best. then what’s the real deal? look, these people make lots of money, ok? what it would amount to is lower returns for the rich people in charge of the operation. and they’d rather keep the returns they’re used to keeping. so on with the misdirection, on dancer, on prancer, on dancer and vixen!

3 - other ‘costs’
another cost that I hadn’t considered until recently was the population itself. Here in southern California, space is at a premium; our living and working spaces are compact, and our freeways are crowded. Earlier this year, when the illegal immigration issue came to the forefront, the illegals and others in their support rallied to give us “a day without Mexicans.” It was supposed to show us how much we needed them, how much we relied on them.

Thing was, it showed us how much they truly suck us dry. No one I knew was adversely affected by this action, and most benefited. Traffic? 100% better by our standards, with a 26 mile jaunt into Anaheim taking a mere half-hour, instead of the standard hour or more. Things flowed much more smoothly in general all around southern California!

But on the news, they showed people upset, saying they had lost some 30% of their daily business or some jazz like that. But they were businesses that catered to illegal immigrants! It wasn’t sav-on or Stater Brothers; it wasn’t aaron brothers, it wasn’t JC penny! It was Lola’s fruit stand and Henrieto’s Bean shop!

Let me get this straight: I don’t freaking care if a business that caters to something that is illegal goes under. As far as I’m concerned: good riddance. I’m sorry if some of this comes off harsh, but this is my country! We speak English! We have a minimum wage! We have a minimum standard of living! And we are having trouble abiding by that! And for me, it is more important to fix ourselves before we worry about what we can do for others.

If we continue to do this song and dance, what will happen is a fleecing of America, as the middle class is further degraded. Less and less people will be able to make a living due to joblessness, and the rest of us will have to support them of social services. Meanwhile, the rich owners will become more rich due to the skimming off the top of cheaper and cheaper labor, which will only serve to continue to disparity between rich and poor in America. And I guess the real issue for me is just that. I feel that is as major concern here in the USA, and around the globe. Greed has gotten the best of us and has served to bring the level of the majority way way down in the last 40-50 years; a majority I’m a part of, and more than likely a majority you’re a part of.

let us not forget the working conditions of our forefathers before workers’ unions and workers’ rights; let us not forget what those institutions were created for and whom they benefit!

My disgust in these matters stems not from race, not from hatred of a people of themselves. If you’re Mexican, I want you to speak as much Spanish as you can, south of my border. If you’re Canadian, I want you to speak as much French as you can, north of my border. But here? Here, I’m trying to take care of my people. We’re being beaten from both ends, are the rich sell us out to you, outside our borders. Our jobs, our livelihoods are being outsourced. the rich sell you our jobs; you take our livelihoods. We’re kept around merely to be a customer base for the products the bourgeoisie want to sell us for profit. And we’re powerless in the middle, unless we can realize these truths about what’s happening and band together to do something about it. and i’m determined to tell the story.

There are ways, and I’ll be honest, little has to do with any Mexicans – most has to do with people that are already here in the US. But trust that I’m not racist, only a person trying to make sure things stay as square as they can be. More later, perhaps.

Peace

Tags: hate

to lose. yeah, that’s what i was doing earlier today, as san fran was looking good in the opening minutes against the san diego chargers. thing is, i had money riding on the game. well, actually, the whole league. they lost. they should have. but turns out, i lost anyway, which made me feel bad for having rooted against them!

when asked earlier today why i was rooting for them to lose and then having given the answer, i was laughed at. why? because i had a whole dollar riding on it. yeah, i roll big is i guess what i’m sayin’.



it ain’t easy being cheesy
so i’m really trying hard (well, trying at least) to do something @ work. I mean, i’m supposed to be the “sales manager” now or something like that, but I keep getting blocked by tg the gm. more and more this feels like something out of days of our lives or something. or some bad porno, could go either way on that one. maybe desperate housewives, that seems to be a cross between the two.

to be “in charge,” you have to have some authority. if you can’t enforce anything, then really, you’re just a voice box at best. and that, i feel, is really what i am right now. i am tasked with trying to keep people on the straight, but really the only thing i can do if they don’t is tell on them. and this just makes both sides mad – the “subordinates” get upset because you’re telling on them, and “the boss” gets upset because you can’t seem to handle simple tasks... sigh.

let’s get this straight: i damn well could do this. but i have to be allowed to do so. but doing so requires the power and authority to follow through with actions and consequences; it requires enforceability. on a few occasions, i’ve had the dark thought of taking someone outside and thumping the hell out of them. and while this would certainly make me feel good, it would really accomplish nothing except maybe get me a record and show future employers that i can thoroughly abuse my powers. one has to be able to do something legally that either puts a carrot in front of them or a fire under them, and right now i can only muster a faint warm breeze in their general direction.

so i’m thinking the raise i was given was really just to justify the stress of not being able to do anything about the situation i was bound to find myself in – it’s not enough to compensate someone who’s knee-deep in shifting waters and more than someone who’s just sitting on the raft and doesn’t really notice or care what direction the waters are flowing. only problem is, i want to be knee-deep, but i’m tethered to the damn raft.

being young sucks sometimes. it especially sucks when you know things, and know that there’s nothing you could do other than spontaneously age that would change people’s perceptions about your abilities and intentions.

what’s really off-putting about this is that the few people below me can’t seem to grasp that while this is just some one-off job for them, it’s a springboard for me for perhaps the rest of my life; doing well here may mean the difference between $30K a year and $50K a year up north. The difference between a 5-acre home and a 50-acre ranch, perhaps. make that 100-acres... and it would be so nice of them to just do what they’re supposed to do anyways, rather than giving me a hard time just because. I mean, I really don’t ask much of anyone other than to do what they’re jobs are, really. no slave driver here, folks.



got a new hat!
from work. i’d say i stole it, but it was free. nice color, nice shape, but really? i’m just not a hat person. but i’ll keep it for those bad hair days. ha ha ha! who am i kidding? me with a bad hair day? maybe i’ll keep it in the truck for the girl, that way i can pimp my ride with the windows down more often.



if i grow up to hate mexicans... blame wal-mart, the nfl, and whitey
saw a commercial of this today. get this: it’s a commercial for american football, in america, spoken completely in spanish. yeah. look, i’m really really really not a racist, but who would i be if i went to live in another country and expected everyone to speak my language so that i could understand them? so why should i begin to tolerate it here?

this sucks and it’s not even the mexicans’ fault, it’s rich white people. yep, it is. they perpetuate this with their greed, they really do. they see a dollar, and say to themselves, “hey, there’s a lot of mexicans with a dollar to their name, let’s sell to them as the least common denominator so that we can be even more rich than we already are.” wal-mart in spanish in america? yep. hiring illegal immigrants so as to “save cost,” which translates into higher returns for the rich? check. selling american football by going to spanish as the lcd? sigh, yes.

wasps suck. and so it goes, eventually most of america will fall to the lcd. and the wasps won’t care, because they’re safely removed from reality with all that money anyhow. but the rest of us will suffer, no doubt.

peace.

Tags: hate

as i’m sitting on my couch last night, this aroma entered the room (presumably through the window) that i simply couldn’t stay quiet about, even though i was alone. what is that, i said aloud. it stunk. and then, it dawned on me, that either i’m way way way different than all the cool kids, or that the cool kids will say anything to appear “cool.” because, it was pot. and as far as i’m concerned, it’s not a good smell.

i won’t bother elaborating on where i think the smell came from, other than to say “the defendant” was close by around that time. he’s only like 16 or something right now, so i figure two more years of “the defendant,” then it’s time to graduate to “the convict.” i’ve got my t-shirt ready already.



can’t believe i’m sharing this thought, but...
ok, so raise your hand if you have animals. actually, just kidding; i can’t see your hands anyways, people. no but seriously, raise your hands.... ok ok, i’m sorry, no more of that. so what i was getting at: seen them poop? of course you have. seen them wipe? no you haven’t. ok, so why is it that the dominant species on the planet can’t go to the bathroom without making a mess between the cheeks, but almost every other animal has perfected the “clean poopie”? i know it’s a strange thing to wonder, but then again, i never claimed normalcy. i wonder if it has to do with our lazy nature, our desire to sit on something while doing the deed. the rest of the animal kingdom squats for a quick minute and gets it done. we bring reading material. i bring a laptop.

why does this concern me so? i think it’s my discontent with the nasty. i really really really hate poop. and the fact that when i “excrete” my waste, it’s not actually all “excreted” sort of bugs me. i want to get rid of it, i don’t want it following me around. it’s dirty. it smells. i want to be like a fresh, clean rose all day long, dammit, like a woman’s deodorant commercial or something!

i’ve contemplated testing the “sitting” theory out, but i just can’t bring myself to try it. if i do it over the toilet, we all know the splash is going to get me. eww. but i’m not about to trek outside in a very nice neighborhood and bear my ass for everyone. and then poop out of it. damn. maybe i’ll come over to your house and just do it on the floor or something. kidding, calm down. seriously, if you all have any theories to share or pointers, i’m all ears.

maybe this is why i don’t get invited to more parties :-(



I was just sitting in my room naked, smearing peanut butter on myself, watching porn, when...
a plane crashed into my apartment. seriously? anyone considered that maybe planes are naturally drawn to large metal objects? magnetism, maybe? or here’s a thought: don’t pilot a plane through the skyscraper jungle.

me? i’m drawn to one-story buildings far away from planes. just a personal preference, i guess. anyone else? as sad as it is, and as sick as it makes me, i just laugh when i contemplate some guy waking up from a nap, scratching himself while he walks to the window to open the shades, fully expecting some cute little birds to be chirping at him lovingly.... only to have a plane bearing down on him.



bush says something expectedly stupid; the world grimaces
is he still “in charge?” dammit. wake me when someone a little more competent takes over. like the first pooch. or barney. oh wait, those are one in the same now, right? figures.

i just want to know then, what he figures the count is. seriously, if they’re wrong and you’re sure, um, prove it? and i don’t think that taking off your shoes to count is quite going to cut it. i think the problem is that unless they are wearing army green, they aren’t counting at all. oh, and from what i’ve heard spoken about it from people inside the military, they might not count it then. see, if you’re injured in iraq, and they can get you out of the country before you die.... you’re not “killed in iraq.” chew on that gem. and then tell your friends and family not to sign up to die for rich people.

peace.

Tags: Animals, hate

so saturday we’re watching the cal v. oregon game (mars v. pluto), and we all see this commercial for at&t internet that features a fast black car for an unbelievable price. point? high-speed internet for cheap. ok, got it. except, the prices they quoted on the thing were more than the prices they were advertising just 7 days ago. when they weren’t advertising. funny.

what else i noticed about life from this commercial is that i have the ability to win almost any bet, as long as it is vitally unimportant. i knew it was a viper, the other guys – joel and action jaxan – felt it was probably a corvette. i swear, my “bet you” percentage has to be over 90%. but god forbid i try to take that to vegas or put large cash figures down on any one bet, because it’s guaranteed to lose. so why is it that i can’t win a bet when the cards are down, but i can’t lose when i should have bet large sums? i don’t get it. god needs a laugh, i guess.
the car? well, there was no large bills on the table, so of course it was a viper.



hi-def and dolby surround freakin’ rule
did i mention that the game was in hd? yeah, i think i did. man, there is nothing better than football in hd with full surround sound going with a 12” subwoofer. freaking amazing. it’s like being there on the field, but without the jarring hits and bruises. i can’t convey, seriously, the amazing experience of sports in hi-def with the surround sound properly set and absolutely blaring. nice.

...unless, apparently, you’re down the street and not interested in watching the game with me. apparently, that really sucks. luckily, however, it sucks for you, not for me. truthfully, though, they didn’t complain, someone local complained in their honor. if that’s what happened. oh well.



have you bought any of my pictures yet?
because if not, you’re really behind the times. so get with the times and get over there. here’s the link. or click the pretty pictures above. click and buy here.

now’s the time. hurry. yes, you.

Peace.

so yesterday i “celebrated” my b-day with my family by going out to applebee’s for din-din and then following up with a trip to the movies to see “the departed.” conclusion? great movie. the cast was superb, the acting was fantastic, the plot was well-scripted, and the whole experience was just riveting. my complaint is that suddenly so much happens at the end so fast and that is really not necessary to finish the story half-happy. oh, and there’s also a couple few things that would have been nice to have explained to the audience. I won’t give it away, and i won’t say that the ending ruins the movie, just that i’d have done it differently. that is, if i were a famous director. and, um, people cared what i thought. you know, about endings and stuff. still a great film, though, and although i don’t want to leave you expecting too much, it comes highly recommended.



you know you’re a bastard if...
you say those little amish girls deserved to die like that. seriously, if the right-wing calls you an abomination, there’s no hope for your soul. and i think these people will get laughed at last, in all honesty, when they are all sitting around at their deaths, wondering why it’s so hot here in heaven.
for those of you who don’t know, this is the same church that was going around protesting at the funerals of servicemen killed in iraq, saying that they deserved to die, and that their death is a sign that god is angry with the usa for... our stance on homosexuality. yeah, that’s right, god’s not mad at us for killing a bunch of innocent people around the globe or anything like that, but hell if he’s not absolutely furious over his gay children possibly getting married or something. yet another reason to stay north of the mason-dixon line, my friends. south=nuts. (thanks to gene, and by extension, jenn, for the link to that)



pussy at night is not always a good thing
ok, here it goes: i sleep in the buff. the nude. naked. in my birthday suit. and when i’m sprawled out on the bed, waking up to a cute little kitty between my legs with razor-sharp teeth and claws and a little bit of an attitude is not my idea of soothing. seriously. fucking move. talk about a hairy situation, i mean... it’s really hard to sleep comfortably when a pussy is that close to removing your manhood. but it’s not like you can just yell and shoo it out. what if it gets frightened and reacts? what if it really is not in the mood to go anywhere? thoughts run through your head and at some point you realize, you don’t own pets, they own you.
and it’s about time they started feeding me, too, dammit.
peace.

Tags: hate

high-speed internet is back! yes! and now things can get done! like, all that porn i missed out on for like 2 weeks. oh, and, um, work and research and stuff. yeah.

sorry to say, though, that it’s through at&t. again. in reality, i have nothing against their service in and of itself; my speeds are blazing, they’re usually really quick to resolve any issues, and the price is right. sometimes. and it’s really only that they make you go through this 2-week hassle just to get the advertised pricing... grrr. and also that when you do have a problem, you first have to talk to someone from another country (think "India") that is mysteriously named “mike,” and spends so much time apologizing for the inconvenience that it probably adds 5-10 minutes to the conversation. seriously, “mike,” just fix it and let’s move on.

so i’m sorry that it didn’t work out with sonic.net. it could have been wonderful, but i guess i’d rather put up with the occasional apologetic “mike” or “sue” in india than pay broadband price and get dial-up speeds. porn just doesn’t work at 56k.



movietime
for my birthday, i talked my family into taking me to dinner and then to see “the departed,” this film looks amazing. it’s got a killer cast, and the plot looks fabulous. update to follow.

also on my list of movies to see? just saw a trailer online for “the illusionist.” and “the prestige” is looking like a must-see for me. have i mentioned i hate christian bale? yeah, it’s true. he’s a good actor and all, my hatred is just pure jealousy. he’s good-looking and has the physique i work so hard to try and achieve, yet fail to grasp. fucker.

why i haven’t jumped on the republican-bashing bandwagon
it’s only a matter of time before some democrat is indicted for something similar. i mean, shit, do you really think perverts are only republican? yeah, i get the feeling that crosses party lines.

though i must say that their handling of the situation is a good sign of their bumbling idiocy. i mean,the leader of the party says “i had no idea” two days ago, then “i’ve known about it for the last three years” one day ago... wait, so let me get this straight: you knew he was molesting young men, but just said “stop it”? and didn’t do anything else? what the fuck? i mean, isn’t the first offense criminally punishable? so now we let him continue for three more years and then we’re just ok with a resignation? man, i love republicans.

no, wait -- that didn’t come out right. what i meant was, man, i would love to put these scumbag republicans’ heads under a truck tire. and then slowly accelerate. while watching a gay couple get married. yeah, that’s about right.

peace.

except that this wonderful day marks a whole year older. damn.



Why I don't like birthdays
you see, we (collectively) assign some sort of value to these numbers. except they don’t really denote any sort of importance other than the number itself. huh? let me clarify what i mean. ok, so you’re 20 years and 10 months. well put down that beer! you’re not mature enough yet to make the decision of when you should drink! come back in 2 months, though, when you are mature enough. you’re 17 years 364 days old. you’re not mature enough yet to: have sex, vote, or die for your country. come back tomorrow, though, and we’ll give you a voter registration and enlist you in the military, where you’ll get fucked in more ways than one! you’re 39 years old today, but tomorrow you’re over the hill. sure, whatever.

age is a very poor indicator of maturity, responsibility, level of intelligence, or for that matter, even your stage of life. so why do we assign these values to an age? because there’s not a better method yet. and that really irks me. look, i don’t have an answer, but i know that i’ve met people in their late teens /slash/ early 20’s that are more mentally developed and mature than people a decade ahead of them. it would be nice if there were another way to distinguish people other than some relatively arbitrary number scheme.



as long as i can see the refs boogers
so a friend of mine (yes, i have those) is going to come over on saturday to watch some college football game. cal versus oregon. fuck, for all i care, it could be mars vs. pluto. i really don’t care about college football, mostly because the players are there for such short times, it just seems to me that you don’t get the feeling they’re “your team.” but i obliged the watching. mainly because i have a 52” HD TV, and football on it is brilliant. simply amazing. and really, as clear as sports are in HD, as long as i can see the blades of grass on the field, i’m happy. can i see the holes in the refs uniform? check. boogers? check. ok, we’re good!

which makes me wonder: could golf become some sort of interesting to me? god, i hope not. because, it really is all downhill from there.



so what is the magic number, right?
you mean how old am i? old enough to name my penis, goddammit. say hi to the audience, bob. [hi!]


peace.

Tags: earth conditions