so star wars: attack of the really bad acting was on tv last night (thanks for that, fox). have you watched this pathetic attempt at entertainment? sure you have... we all got sucked in to the hype machine, with the promise of the fulfillment of the epic beginning (or, uh, ending, depending on whether you go chronologically in real life or movie life).

and i know it’s not everyone’s fault; some of the actors i think were victims themselves of this movie. i think it’s a sign that this “stuff” should not have been made (“stuff” will be substituted for “crap” for the remainder of this blog; I’m trying to cut down on my bad word usage). i mean, have you seen pulp fiction? of course you have.... and unbreakable? yeah, sammy jackson is a good actor, right? so what happened? it’s almost painful to watch his “performance” in this movie. like george said to him, “sammy... sammy! pay attention and stop yelling” “who you talking too, mutherfucker!” “sammy, look: you’re a great actor, but really, i’m trying to create a pitiful excuse for a b-rate movie. could you tone it down some? say, to, like, ‘unskilled tin-can’ status?”

and the special effects weren’t that special, either. know what gets me about that? a decade later, and it seems to me Jurassic park is the measuring stick. what the hell?!?! it’s been 10 years! we need to step up da wizardy, hollywood, becuase this many years passed, there’s no reason i should doubt the authenticity of what i see on the screen with mine eyes. there’s absolutely no suspension of disbelief watching this “stuff." there’s no doubt that it’s all cgi and blue-screened. and quite to death, mind you. oh yes, ani, i almost believed you were falling gracefully through the sky towards the bounty hunter. um, except for the difference in contrast between yourself and the background, the colors, and the little outline around you. hey, while you’re just hanging out in front of that screen, would you mind making yourself useful and giving me the week forecast? stupid piece of “stuff.”

i won’t even begin to touch the surface of the “stuff” they try to pass as logic, like when the bounty hunter was about to say who contracted her out, and then she was shot to death... instead, of say, killing the people who were right next to her and not looking, either.... hmmmm..... enough of that! nothing to see here, move along now....

and this leads me to the clincher... “the most powerful jedi ever,” hayden suckenson. man, what was that “stuff” on the screen? acting? was - was that, acting you were trying to do? silly prepubescent pussy fart, you can’t act. my dear, what made you think you could do that? thee, uh – ‘force’ – isn’t really real, and it can’t grant you the power to be more than a waste of pixels on the screen, dude. he’s supposed to be the baddest thing in the galaxy, but he starts ranting about how obi wan just doesn’t understand him and i want just want to hand him a hanky to dry his eye, the poor little girl. are you for real? you look less like a fear-inducing machine of death and more like a freaking 6 year old whose barbie got taken away. “don’t die, mom.” whatever, clunk. take her place, maybe you can sacrifice yourself to save this franchise... i can’t believe i’m still watching it. padme may have something to do with it, but that’s it, i swear! plead the fifth!


tom cruise screwed again
study finds that on average, taller equals smarter. oh well, tom. maybe you should follow madonna’s lead and read the cobala -- er, kabala, kubala, curveballa, or whatever it is. science doesn’t want you, either. Shit, is his mother next? oh well.

peace.

Tags: hate